First Christmas!

Hey Little Little!

It's been a while since I've written you! Sorry! Apparently having two kids is sort of time consuming.

Some updates: You are almost 8 months old. Whaaaaaaaaaaat? You are seriously the sweetest little baby in the world (don't tell Madelyn ;) ) You make everyone you meet smile with your sweet beautiful smile. You are still toothless, which is fine by me because you don't bite. You just in the past few days started allowing solid foods to enter your mouth. You (like your sister) were a bit stubborn with the whole eating thing at first. All okay with me, though, because you are very happy and very healthy. You love LOVE dogs. They crack you up. You love making sounds now. Mama was first (obviously. I'm your fav.) and then came dada and baba and gaga. You don't really know what these mean yet, but I'm still counting Mama as your first word. You love chewing on books and love when I hold you and dance to silly pop songs while your sister breaks it down with us.

Oh and speaking of your sister, you ADORE her. She makes you smile and laugh so much. You stare at her and absorb everything she does. I hope you stay so in love with her because it is the most precious thing in my life. Madelyn is so good with you, too. She's 2 and a half and just takes care of you for the most part. Every once in a while she gets mad because you love pulling her hair and clothes and it makes her want to punch you in the face. Sorry bout that.

What else? Today was your first Christmas. You loved eating wrapping paper and laughing at me and your uncle B while we danced. We do a lot of dancing, if you haven't gathered. We spent the day at Mimi and Poppy's house with Nana and Baxter and all of us, obviously, and they all adore you (another obviously.)

I just want to let you know that I am so so so so so so so so happy I had you. You have made me a very busy woman, but a very fulfilled and happy woman. You warm my heart so much with your chunky cheeks and contagious smile. Oh and your witch cackle for a laugh is pretty hilarious too.

Lesson for this blog post ( because I can't miss an opportunity for a lesson) is be smart, be independent, but also be a part of your family. Don't neglect your parents, grandparents, aunt and uncle, and of course your sister. We will all piss you off at times and you will get busy and distracted by your own life, but I am finally realizing now at 25 years old that family makes your whole. Makes you happy. Makes all the individual success and hard work that much more enjoyable. We will give you people to share in your joys and help you through your sorrows. So forgive us for the things we do that drive you crazy and remember we would all do anything for you now matter what. You are loved. You are cherished. And your are supported. Always. No matter what.

I love you, Little Little. Merry First Christmas. Or as your sister says, Happy Merry Christmas.

Love always,
MaMa

The first month of your life :)

Well Penelope, it happened. You were born! May 1, 2013 at 8:26 pm. 8 lbs 2 oz and absolutely freakin' perfect.

So, like your sister, you decided to stay in my belly 4 days past your due date. I was starting to get nervous because the doctor was talking about inducing me, which I really did not want. I wanted you to come when you were ready. Then, April 30th I started having some pretty awful contractions at around 6 pm. I started to get excited! We were at dinner with your Grammy and Grandaddy, and we made a plan to get Madelyn over to their house after we went home and packed her bag. We left dinner, went home, and.... the contractions stopped.

You're a tricky little one.

I was so depressed. I had gotten so excited, and I was so ready to not be pregnant anymore. I just wanted you in my arms. Plus, you kicked SO HARD in my belly. You were seriously so strong.

 Anyway. I was so down about the false labor. I went to bed completely convinced that I was going to have to be induced. Uggghhhhhh. The next morning your dad and sister and I woke up (Madelyn had slept with us) and lay in bed forever planning our day. I had totally given into the idea of being induced and didn't even consider that going into labor would happen. After a long time of laying around in bed, we decided to get going on a full day. Your dad grabbed Madelyn and walked towards the kitchen to make some breakfast, and I stood up and WHOA my water broke.

I squealed, "MY WATER BROKE MATT!" I was SOOOOOOOOOOO happy! I had always wanted my water to break. It doesn't happen to most women, and it didn't happen with Madelyn. Usually labor just starts with painful contractions, but I wanted that cute moment (before all the pain) when the mom and the dad excitedly rush to get everything ready. I didn't think I would ever get that moment, though, since it didn't happen with Madelyn. But you gave me that moment. It was the BEST. Your dad was hilarious. He was so excited, he could not focus. He actually asked where he kept his shoes at one point because he had forgotten. He rushed around like a mad man. I just laughed and calmly got ready for the hospital.

There we are. Your Grammy rushed from work to pick up Madelyn, and she took that picture before your dad and I left for the hospital. I get teary thinking about how cute that morning was.

So Grammy took Madelyn, and your dad and I went out for breakfast. We were so relaxed and excited, if that makes any sense. We went to the grocery store where your dad worked (well, technically he still works there but I doubt when you read this that he will still be there.) where he ran in and got me some strawberries and a bagel. I would have gone in too, but my water was steadily breaking still. I pretty much had water falling down my leg the entire day. It was awkward. 

So we finally headed to the hospital. This is me when we first got there:

Still no pain so I was smiling :)

I won't get into all the details of the birth, but I will just say that while there were some very painful moments, it was the best labor I could have hoped for because it ended with you. You came out after only 7 minutes of pushing, which is SUPER fast. A little less than 12 hours after my water broke, I saw your face for the first time, which is pretty amazing considering Madelyn took 28 hours to make her appearance.

Here we are. You are fresh out of the oven in this picture. So beautiful. So sweet. 

Madelyn meets you. 

The next day, Madelyn holds you in the hospital.

Already making hilarious faces.

And then we bring you home.

And make you do stuff like this just to make us laugh.

And Madelyn helps take care of you...

And sisterly love is born.

I love you so much, Penelope. You don't understand how much I love you. You complete my life. Madelyn started my family, and you finished it. Thank you. You both are the reason I was born. You have changed everything for the better. You have made me a stronger woman and brought so much clarity to the chaos that was my life. Thank you. 

I want to end this post with a reminder of how important your sister is in your life. You must take care of each other. What I love so much is even now, when you are only 1 month old, I can tell how different you two are in so many ways. From the pregnancy to the labor to the first month, you each had such distinct ways of doing things. It's amazing to witness and experience. Never forget that you are unique and important and loved for being you. Never try to compare yourself to your sister or anyone else, for that matter. You are you. That is all you can be. But also remember that no matter what, your sister is a friend for life who can understand you better than anyone. At least that's what I want for you two.

And, of course, I am always here for you. Always.

I love you, Penny.

-Mommy

PS. Sorry if the grammar is awkward in this post. I was writing this while the television was on because I was too lazy to find the remote to turn it off. Hey! Don't judge! It's hard work being a mom to a newborn and a 2 year old. Sometimes I gotta take a moment to be lazy!

Okay. That is all. 

Goodnight, Sweetheart

Hey Penny.

It's 10:50 pm. I am 36 weeks pregnant with you, and so I am feelin' pretty tired. But I wanted to say a quick hello and let you know how excited we are to meet you soon. The title of this post is "Goodnight, Sweetheart" because that is the lullaby I sing to your sister and you at night. Yeah, I sing to you when you're in my belly. At this moment, your sister is sound asleep in her crib; your dad is reading in our room, and I am in the living room thinking about everything that still needs to get done before you arrive.

Also, I just want to let you know that you are the movin'-est baby I have ever seen. Today while I was at the doctor, you actually sorta freaked the intern doctor out because you were kicking so intensely. I'm used to it. It's just who you are. You let people know you're here. I respect that. But this poor guy had apparently never seen a belly move this much before. He was amazed and a little terrified. I loved it.

So, on that note, I'm going to go to bed. I have to give birth to you soon, which is going to be pretty exhausting so I gotta rest up. Just a request: Take it easy on your mommy when you do decide to enter this world. Fast easy labor?

Actually, it doesn't matter. As long as you come out healthy, I can put up with some pain.

Alright. I love you my littlest one.

-Mommy

This is me! Right now as I type this! Yay!

This is Madelyn and me being weird yesterday. Just thought I should warn you.

Just a little hi to a little you...

Hey Baby Girl,

     I am 32 weeks. 32 freakin' weeks. You will be out of my belly before I know it. Ah! I am super pregnant right now, and for some reason these last couple of weeks my brain has been so foggy. I can't focus. But that's okay because even though I am completely stupid right now, I am completely happy! This is just a happy dumb pregnancy, and I thank you for it!

     I really don't have much to say right now. I am just staring at my belly, and you are kicking the heck out of me.
     It is amazing the differences I can already sense between you and your sister. You just feel different inside of me than Madelyn did. You feel like... you. I am already getting to know you. That's so beautiful. You are unique. You are special. Never forget that you have something to offer this world. 

I love you my girl,

Mommy

I swear I'm cool...?

Hello My Little Girl!

     Another blog post?? So soon?? Well, I was looking at my belly and looking at Madelyn and just got super excited about you being born. I am 27 weeks along tomorrow. This pregnancy is just moving so quickly, and I am afraid I am going to blink and you are going to be 30 years old and have a life all on your own away from me.
      That's what being a mother is like. You cannot wait until the next milestone because it is so exciting (the birth, the 1st birthday, walking, talking, potty training!), but you also dread it because that means your little one needs you just a little less. Being a mother is the hardest, most rewarding, most terrifying love. And it never goes away. Never. No matter what.
       I just wanted to tell you that. I just wanted you to know that I will always love you this much. So, if you are down about life. If you need to feel adored. If you need to feel loved, I'm your gal. Even if we are in the middle of a terrible argument (which unfortunately will happen in our lives together), you can always count on me if you are in trouble or sad or whatever else you may be feeling.
       I feel like this blog is just getting sappier and sappier. Ugh. I swear I'm cool.

Actually, I'm probably not...


I love you. A lot.
-Your Mommy

And so the life lessons really begin...

Well my newest little one,
      You are a girl! You probably have figured that out by now, but I just thought I would let you know. We are beyond happy! Madelyn will have a sister to grow up with, and you are so close in age! I hope you both really appreciate that and take advantage of what that means.
      What else is new? Well, I guess in this post I should tell you about what life looks like out here while you are growing in my belly. Right now, your daddy works at Whole Foods, which is a healthy fancy grocery store. He also goes to school full-time. So, he's unbelievably busy. He works crazy hard to provide for us, and I love him and appreciate him so much for it. I hope you will understand what all you dad has sacrificed and done for you and your sister and I. We should always show him great respect for that.
       As for me, I take care of your sister at home; I do a ton of laundry and boring stuff like that; I write a lot; And I am studying to become a teacher! Your crazy mommy has a love for writing and theatre and art, in general, and if I could I would just do those things all day, but the real world doesn't always go the way the fake world in your head goes. You gotta adapt and do what is right for your family, and of course, yourself. So I am very excited about teaching and very excited about pursuing my writing and art love as a hobby.
      By the way, I studied theatre in college and have been in many plays. I have done stand-up several times, although I am taking a break from it now (not sure if I'll do it again or not, to be honest) so that I can focus on building a baby (you) and focus on writing some since I know it will be hard for a while after you are born to find time to write.
        I reckon that is a good life lesson for this post. Let's do this! So, one day, when you are much much older, you will start to really seriously think about what you want to do with your life. You will try to pick a career and pick where you want to live and if you want kids and if you want to get married and all that big stuff. It will probably be very daunting at times. These sorts of decisions have been very challenging for me, so I understand. You may be lucky and just grow up knowing exactly what you want and know exactly how to get it, but probably, at least one of those big life choices will be kind of stressful and overwhelming to you. So, let me tell you what I have learned. If people don't believe in you or if something doesn't come easy for you or if you fail at times or if you get scared sometimes when you are pursuing a goal, do not give up. Do not let others sway you. Do not let struggle get you so down that you don't believe in yourself. Most things in this life that you are going to really want are going to involve some sort of sacrifice or difficulty. You may fail 100 times before you succeed. That's normal. It's okay.
      That being said, if you try and try and through all your trying, you decide you don't think it's worth it anymore. You find yourself miserable and not even sure if you want to do what you set out to do, that's okay too. You can quit. That doesn't make you a loser or a failure. It makes you a person. You will change your mind in life. That's okay. When you find yourself at a crossroads, asking yourself if you really want to pursue whatever goal any longer, just make sure you give yourself the time and space to make a thoughtful decision. Don't let fear and emotion completely make the decision for you. Give yourself time to think calmly and to think with your head and your heart. You will make the perfect decision for you. Always.
 

This sounds really corny. I'm sorry. It's so true though.


I believe in you. No matter what you want to do. If you want to be a clown or a dancer or a doctor or an accountant or own a business or whatever, I will support you. Unless you want to be a murderer... or a gangster... or a prostitute... then I may have some issues with that.


I love you, Penelope (that's your name ;)

-Mommy